See things from another's perspective

Conflict is part of human interaction. Political foes, business rivals and arch enemies disagree and fight one another bitterly because of mutually exclusive interests. A win-win situation is sometimes not possible. Naturally, one will try to find out more about the opponent to predict or pre-empt his action. The purpose is to strategise and win in a zero-sum game.

Even partners will face conflict, although the situation is very different from that faced by foes. Partners who share many similar interests, goals and values can sometimes find themselves in disagreement.

Differences and disagreements can occur between partners or people in close working, social or family relationships. We can all recall experiences of conflict with a boss we respect, a colleague we like, a close friend we confide in or a family member we love, or even with a politician we support.
When partners are in conflict, it is constructive to do less political strategising and more perspective-taking - by which I mean to consider how things appear to the other party.

PERSPECTIVE MATTERS

Depending on where we stand, the view of our living room and the things in it can look very different. Just like our perception of the physical world, perspective matters in our subjective experience of the social world.

The same facts can have different meanings when seen from different perspectives. The perspective each person adopts influences what is considered central or peripheral, obvious or obscure, and even present or absent.

If someone has a tunnel vision, we try to offer a different perspective that has a more complete view. Sometimes, two perspectives may be completely opposite - but each is yet completely valid in different ways, much like the views from opposite sides of a room.

If we do not understand a person's perspective, what is very meaningful and sensible to him may look absurd to us. But if we are going through the same situation, we may behave just like the person did, and think it is perfectly normal or the right thing to do.

So, reality is what things actually are, but a person's reality is what the person thinks and feels it is, given the circumstances. The person's reality affects his actions.

Studies in the behavioural sciences have shown that we don't see things as they are. We see things as we are, and how we are affected by the events or situation. We make interpretations according to our beliefs and past experiences about ourselves and others. We give meanings to things in the context of the circumstances we live or find ourselves in.

Once we have adopted a perspective, it is difficult to suspend or change it. It is even harder to take another's perspective that is different from ours.

This is mainly due to the human tendency called confirmatory bias. We see what we expect to see. We seek out and interpret information in a way that will likely confirm our perspective.

So, the same decision, event, statement or picture can mean something very different to different individuals or groups. And everyone is often convinced that he or she right. Many misunderstandings could have been avoided if we had asked: "What else could it mean?"

If we can see things differently, from another person's perspective, we can have fewer strong disagreements and more constructive responses to contentious issues. At the minimum, we will be more careful in what we say or do in a difficult situation to avoid escalating the negatives.

Can some of the comments and positions on recent issues in Singapore benefit from more perspective-taking?

Consider the policy on the tightening of foreigner inflow, the disciplinary sanctions meted out to the staff handling the hepatitis C outbreak at the Singapore General Hospital, or the activities marking the first anniversary of founding prime minister Lee Kuan Yew's death.

On issues such as these, can we suspend or get outside our own perspective and try to see things from another's perspective?

If we can and when we do so, we may find our own perspective not as valid as we thought. Or, at least, it is not the only valid one. Of course, we may still hold on to our perspective for good reasons. But we are now able to address the differences better because we understand the other perspective.